Trying to carry on daily


It has been a little while since I posted here.  Things have been tough.  We lost another family member on my wife’s side of the family to a suicide.  I can not believe that we have had to do this again.

Once again though our friends have enveloped us and carried us through.  At least to this point.  There will be much more to get through and we know that.  We will get through though.  We have too.

Our jobs are not finished here.  We have dedicated the rest of the time that we have here to try and give back a small portion of the help that was given to us.  Our friends do not ask much of us.  They are there for us.  We know that.  Our families are there for us.  We know that.

We have some bad days.  We have some miserable days.  We also can have some “good” days.  We are yet unable to define what good means though.  at least for us.  Maybe one day we will.

There were many people that worry and worried about us.  We acknowledge that fact.  We are not going to chose the same path that took our Ciarra away from us.  That was her decision.  That was her way.  It will not be ours.  As I stated earlier, we are not done here.  Our time has not come yet be when it does we will not be afraid.  We know that there is an Angel waiting for us.  This has been shown to us in many different ways.  Maybe I will go into some of those signs one day here although today is not the time for that.

Tina and I have to go on.  We have something to accomplish still.  We do not know what it is.  We do not even know if whatever this is will even become apparent to us in the future.  We know that there is something though. There must be as it is the one thing that helps us to get out of bed everyday.  Our daughter was such a giving person.  I would love to think that she learned that from me although I am beginning to see that I am the one that learned this from her.

Even today she is showing us the right way, the correct way, the not so often easy way to carry on.  For her, and more importantly us, we will continue.  This journey will not be easy and will be carried out with heavy hearts.  We will continue though.

Thank you Ciarra Joi for making me into the man I am today.  Your thirteen years that you blessed me with will forever be the highlight of my lifetime.  I pray that I can live up to your high standards of helping others.  One day my baby girl I am sure that you will let me know if I did.  I look forward to that day very much when that time comes.  It is not now though.  I, we, still have too much work to do!


About Dusty

I am the father of Ciarra Joi "CJ" Rhodes. I am the man blessed to have 13 and a half years with my beautiful daughter. I am also the survivor of her teenage suicide. I miss her every minute of every day! I hope this site will keep her memory alive and maybe help others.

2 thoughts on “Trying to carry on daily

  1. Missy

    I have zero doubt that Ciarra is so proud of both of you and what you continue to do each day! You two are the strongest people I know and I love you both so much!!!

  2. Jana

    I wish there was a way to help you through this time, but it is not supposed to be faster then it is going on right now. There is a reason for it as well.
    You know, Dusty, she did not even make you a better man, look at all the softball-community. She made a lot of players better people, even if just for minutes, hours … some, she made better for weeks, for months, and some become a better person for their whole lifetime.
    I wish she could know what impact she had.

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